


When My Eyes Beheld an Eerie Sight

by Water_Nix



Category: Glee
Genre: Gen, Halloween, M/M, haunted corn maze, new directions - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-29
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-30 16:40:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1020987
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Water_Nix/pseuds/Water_Nix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A visit to Ohio's Largest Haunted Corn Maze the weekend before Halloween has the members of New Directions (current and former) a little on edge. Some more than others, and in very different ways.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When My Eyes Beheld an Eerie Sight

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in October of season 3. Thanks wheretheshadowslie for looking it over! <3

Kurt attempts to unravel his scarf one-handed when he reaches a long, straight section of road. It's so hot in his car all of a sudden, though he knows that the chill will take hold once he parks and steps out into the October twilight. And once the sun disappears completely, well, he's just glad that he's wearing a significant number of layers. Finn wouldn't do more than throw one of his hideous puffy vests on over a thin henley no matter how much Kurt nagged him to dress appropriately for the weather. He does catch sight of a pair of gloves on his stepbrother's lap in the rearview mirror, however, likely courtesy of Rachel. She leans over and rests her head on Finn's shoulder and Kurt looks away.

The music has stopped and Blaine is searching for a new playlist on his iPod. He won the “whose iPod will supply the road trip soundtrack” coin toss, to Finn's disappointment and Rachel's dismay. Kurt barks a laugh and smiles over at his boyfriend when he hears the clanking chains and squeaking coffins that open _The Monster Mash_.

“What?” Blaine asks with a grin. “It's completely appropriate and you know it.”

“ _Wicked_. We should listen to _Wicked_ ,” Rachel says, leaning forward and resting a hand on Kurt's shoulder. “There are witches. It fits within the theme.”

“Very loosely,” Kurt says with a roll of his eyes. “Leave Blaine to his fun.”

Rachel sniffs and sits back and Kurt can see Blaine biting back a smile in his periphery.

“As long as there's no horror movie theme music,” Rachel complains.

“Ooh, _Halloween_.” Finn perks up, seemingly awakened from his road trip staring-out-the-window trance. “Love that music.”

“Rachel, we're going to a haunted corn maze,” Kurt says. “And you're worried about a little synthesizer or creepy violins? I read stuff online—this thing is supposed to scare the crap outta you.”

Rachel gets quiet and Kurt hears whispers followed by slurping and pulls a face. Blaine reaches across the centre console to rest a hand on Kurt's thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze. Kurt takes it to mean: _Yes, it is gross. I feel your pain_. He and Blaine can send each other telepathic messages like that.

Kurt turns the music up and he and Blaine sing along, blocking out any further noises from the backseat. He bobs his head to the song, following along behind Puck's van. He notices it swerving erratically as they round a corner and he flips down his sun visor. The sun is at the worst possible angle now, shining directly into his eyes.

 

*O_O*

 

_Welcome to the jungle…_

Puck and Artie headbang in the front seats, the music blaring, pouring out of the rolled down windows and scaring a bunch of birds in a nearby field. As they fly off, squawking, Puck salutes them and then pounds his hands on the steering wheel.

“Turn that crap down, Puckerman,” Santana complains. “I can barely hear myself think back here.”

Brittany hums in agreement. “I thought we were going to a cornfield, not a jungle.”

Everyone ignores her comment, Artie reaching over to turn down the _Guns n Roses_ that's still blasting through the tinny speakers. “Are you sure this place will be cool for me? It still seems a little—” He's been worrying about this very thing since Thursday in glee club when Mike had turned up with the pamphlet for the haunted corn maze. Everyone had jumped at the chance to all go together, and Artie thought it sounded like amazing fun and didn't want to miss out because of his chair. He just can't imagine a corn maze being wheelchair accessible.

“I told you, man, I called ahead,” Puck says. “They said it'd be cool as long as it doesn't rain and it hasn't rained in like a week. We can roll you through that shit no problem.”

“If all else fails we can always take Puck's sex blanket out of the back and use it to fashion a makeshift Baby Bjorn and Hudson can carry you around in it all night,” Santana says from the back.

“Or me,” Brittany adds brightly. “I'll carry you in a baby sling.” She always was too intent on treating Artie like a baby. It's vaguely creepy.

“Nobody is carrying me,” Artie says. “If the ground is too soft I'll wait for you guys at the finish line. I can get sugar-drunk on caramel apples or something.”

“I want a caramel apple,” Brittany says dreamily.

“No way, dude. Like I told ya, I called ahead. If they try to keep you out I will burn that place to the ground.”

Artie turns to smile at him and Puck glares straight ahead, his jaw muscles moving. “Thanks, Puck.”

He turns his glare on Artie. “Don't get soppy on me,” he says, then reaches down to turn the music back up to ear-splitting volume. “Man, I gotta get this shitbox flying. I can't believe I'm letting a chick beat me to this damn place.”

He lays his foot on the gas pedal and Artie holds on for dear life.

 

*O_O*

 

Mercedes is the first to arrive at the maze, Tina, Mike and Quinn in tow. It had been smooth sailing since Lima, not a hint of the strangeness Mercedes had been fearing, seeing as she had defected to Shelby's show choir mere weeks before. But her friends are still her same silly friends, choir rivalries or not. Now if she can only avoid Rachel for the rest of the night...

And it is nearly night now, the streaks of pink disappearing and being swallowed up by the darkness of the night sky. The stars are coming out and Mercedes smiles at the twinkling jewels as she climbs out of her car, pulling her sweater in closer to her body to keep out the chill. She shivers anyway and Quinn smiles over at her and hands her a pair of fuzzy mittens.

“Kurt is not gonna approve of these things,” Mercedes tells her and she hears Tina laugh from behind.

Puck's van comes into view, bumping and pitching as he goes too fast over the uneven ground of the farm's driveway, almost knocking into the sign, _Ohio's Largest Corn Maze._

Mercedes shakes her head. “Poor Artie,” she mutters, imagining him being tossed around within the van. She had offered him a ride, but she knows how close he is with Puck, even if Puck sometimes pretends that isn't a fact.

Mike comes up next to her, nodding. “I'm glad I declined that ride,” he says, just as Puck slams on the brakes, nearly skidding into a parked Jetta. “With Miss Mercedes Jones behind the wheel you get there fast and smooth.”

She cuffs Mike on the arm and winks just as Kurt's Navigator pulls into the drive and swings around to park on her right. She can hear Santana complaining loudly and Puck slamming the back door of his van and the rattle of Artie's chair as it hits the ground.

She feels Kurt before she sees him, warm and fresh-smelling as he leans down to kiss her on the cheek. “Well we certainly ate your dust, Miss Speed Demon,” he says. She pulls back to give him a playful pinch on his dimpled cheek and sees Blaine grinning next to him, and behind him, Rachel standing awkwardly.

Rachel raises a hand in a stilted wave. “Hello, Mercedes,” she says.

Mercedes smiles, knowing that it's not reaching her eyes and hoping that the darkness will cover that fact for her. “Hi, Rachel.”

Blaine throws her a wink; she can tell that he noticed her scary Tyra smile even if the others missed it. She takes his arm when he offers it, and then Kurt's, and walks between them, listening to Mike and Finn prattle on about how this maze thing is going to work and whether or not it's true that people have actually pissed themselves in fright.

She makes eye contact with Tina, who pulls a face, and they break up laughing as they join the rest of the group and make their way to the gate.

 

*O_O*

 

They get a group rate since they're a school club or something, and Burt gave Kurt his credit card to pay for everyone, which was pretty cool of him. Finn wraps an arm around Rachel. She's shivering already and it must be from cold, even though she's got, like, a lot of clothes on. He notices her look sadly toward where Mercedes is standing between Kurt and Blaine and vows that he'll try his best to get them to talk tonight. Maybe if they end up in the same group or something? He knows they all discussed breaking up into groups of two or three and making it a game to see who could find their way out the fastest, or even make it all the way through without chickening out and calling for the staff to rescue them.

Once Kurt has paid they all form a circle around the guy who runs the place to hear about the rules. It’s mostly about how they can't have flashlights and not to attack the people who work there, but the guy also gives them a bunch of white flags that they can raise up high and wave if they want someone to come into the maze and lead them out. Finn takes the flags and turns to his friends. 

“Okay, who's going in with who?” he asks, and then everybody just kinda starts talking all at once and he has to wave his arms around. Luckily he's way taller than everyone else so they don't smack into anyone in the dark. “Guys, guys! How about you grab the person you're partnering up with and step to the side.”

Kurt grabs Blaine, as if everyone didn't know they were gonna be together, and then Santana and Brittany join them near the entrance. He feels Rachel take his arm, but he's paying more attention to the fact that Mike and Tina seem to be arguing about Mike going into the maze with Artie instead of her and he gets an idea. Maybe if he goes with Mike and Artie, then Rachel and Tina can have a girl group with Mercedes. They could fix everything! Team building exercises work better when the teams are totally scared. Finn knows he's seen that on a movie before. Or maybe it was a TV show. Anyway, it's sure to work.

“I'm gonna help Artie, too,” he says.

Rachel opens her mouth to tell him he's not, but he figures it's better not to let her say anything so she can't get her head full of steam, or however that expression goes. He leans down to whisper in her ear. “Artie's my bro and he might need my help if anything happens or if there's a soft spot on the ground or something. He needs two of us.”

Rachel shrugs when he stands straight again, and he's just about to suggest that she go with Tina and Mercedes when he notices Mercedes standing between Kurt and Quinn by the cornstalks. Tina takes Rachel's hand, glaring at Mike over her shoulder. The only one left without a partner is Puck.

“Noah, you can come with us if you want,” Rachel says.

Puck scoffs. “I'm too much of a badass to need one of you losers to hold my hand in there. The Puckzilla is on his own and he will defeat this thing.” He nods his head at Finn as he walks by and Finn shrugs.

“Okay, guys, let's do this! First group out gets bragging rights and a free dinner at Breadstix that the rest of us will pitch in to pay.” He passes the flags around, sticking the extra one in the back of Artie’s chair. 

“You'll all be paying for me!” Puck says.

Santana scoffs. “You all best realize just how much pasta I can pack in. This one's not gonna be cheap.”

“It's true,” Brittany agrees, doing a little dance on the spot. She looks like she's getting cold. Even Finn feels cold.

He takes hold of Artie's chair and leads the way into the maze, Mike at his side.

 

*O_O*

 

Going into a maze with narrow pathways with a group of twelve is not the easiest thing in the world. Especially not when everyone is pushing and shoving and saying the others are “copying them” for choosing the same path. She feels like yelling, “There are only three possibilities here, idiots!” Somehow she refrains.

“Thanks for being my partner, Quinn,” Mercedes says once they've rounded their fourth bend and are finally free of all the others.

Quinn knocks their shoulders together. “Of course. We're friends. And besides, I really miss you.”

“We really should hang out more. I miss you, too.”

“I guess we've just both been busy. You've had boyfriends and I've had... a rebellion.” She grins over at Mercedes, whose shoulders are shaking with laughter. 

“My offer to hold your hand when you get that horrible Ryan Seacrest tattoo removed still stands, you know. Even if it's years from now.”

Quinn laughs. “Noted. I'll take you up on that.”

As they round another corner, Quinn swats away a hangman's noose with a roll of her eyes and steps over a severed hand and it's surrounding puddle of blood. Is this all that it's going to be? She's pretty unimpressed.

The dry cornstalks brush against her arm as they continue forward, the darkness and the constriction of the place doing a lot more to spook her than any of the lame props that are lying around.

They hear a shrill scream in the air and break up laughing. “Was that Rachel?” Quinn asks.

Mercedes shakes her head. “No, Kurt. Definitely Kurt.”

 

*O_O*

 

The air is warmer inside the maze, the difference in temperature from the air above the corn and air below forming a sort of fog. Kurt grips Blaine's hand in his as they stumble forward into the dark, the ground and surrounding cornstalks becoming slippery with the film of the early evening condensation.

“Why do I feel like we're going around in circles?” Kurt asks, swatting a sharp stalk out of his face.

“Because we can barely see?” Blaine says. Kurt can hear his smile as he swings their joined hands between them. “It's not so bad, right? At least we're together.”

And that is true. “Alone... in the dark. Incognito. And if we can barely see, then no one else can either.”

Blaine laughs and turns his body into Kurt's, his eyes just visible in the minimal light from the moon. “Is that so?”

“Mmhmm.” Kurt tilts his face down and closes his eyes, but instead of Blaine's soft lips, he feels him twitch and lurch, pulling away. Kurt flutters his eyes open. “Wha—?”

“What was that?” Blaine's voice is high with nerves.

“What was what?”

“Oh my God, it is! It's a bat!” Blaine ducks, plastering himself against Kurt's body.

Kurt spots it then: a small, black shape hovering in the air. He thinks that it's probably fake, a trick of the maze, but the way it moves... That would be pretty difficult to copy with a bit of rubber and a wire.

“I don't like bats,” Blaine says in a low voice, as though the bat might hear his confession and be offended into attacking. “Cooper used to tell me there were vampire bats in the trees behind our house when I was a kid and that they would drink my blood if I was out past dusk. I still can't stand seeing one flying around... lying in wait.”

Kurt snorts a laugh and Blaine makes an adorable whining sound at the back of his throat. “Well I don't think anyone actually likes bats, Blaine. I mean, apart from the people who study them, I suppose.”

“Not helping, Kurt,” Blaine whispers. His voice is pitched even lower when he continues. “Don't they see by sonar or something? You should stop talking. Won't your voice only draw it closer?”

“Why, because it's so high? You can talk but I can't?” Kurt asks in a huff.

“No! Yes. No! Just, please stop talking.” He puts his hands up over his head and Kurt takes pity on him and lets his ire leak away. “It'll get caught in our hair or something,” Blaine says, his voice muffled by his arms.

Kurt snorts another quick laugh. As if that's a possibility; their combined product is like an impenetrable fortress. “Nothing's getting caught in _your_ hair, sweetheart.”

Blaine removes his hands and Kurt can see his pout in the moonlight. “You don't like my hair?”

“What? Of course I do! It's vintage chic. You, my darling, are both handsome and genteel. Like a young Cary Grant.”

And Blaine loves being compared to suave gentlemen of the silver screen, so he snuggles into Kurt's arms and flutters his eyelashes up at him.

Kurt kisses his forehead and pulls him in closer. He searches the sky for the bat. “I'm pretty sure it's gone,” he whispers, then drops a kiss behind Blaine's ear. Blaine loves being kissed there, and if Kurt's being honest, with the darkness and Blaine's reaction to the bat and their proximity, he really wants to make out. Like ten minutes ago.

But Blaine's voice wavers and his eyes dart around. “Pretty sure? That's not _sure_ sure.”

Kurt sighs. “I won't let it get you,” he promises, crushing Blaine to him all the harder, only to realize that he's had his hand on the right cheek of Blaine's ass for quite a while now. And it feels really, really good. Soft, yet firm, and so warm and… But okay, he has to think about that later. Right now they need to find their way out of this maze—for bragging rights if nothing else. Even if the urge to squeeze while going in for a kiss is.... No. He should remove his hand as nonchalantly as possible and pretend it never happened. He's going to do just that. In just one more minute...

At first it's only a little poke at his side. He figures it's Blaine, though he can feel both of Blaine's hands—one splayed across his back and the other at his waist. But then he feels it, fingers wrapping around his ankle, feels it through his boot and jeans and both pairs of socks. It squeezes and tugs, pulling him off balance and sending Blaine jerking out of his embrace.

In the distance he notices green flashing lights before he looks down to see her: a putrid, greasy-haired, grey-skinned little girl crawling on her belly from between the corn. He screams.

 

*O_O*

Tina couldn't have picked a worse partner. That is, if she'd been given an actual choice. She gets that someone had to go with Artie, because honestly, a corn maze isn't a great place for Artie's chair, but why couldn't she have at least gone with Mike and Artie, since her boyfriend had decided he was going to be the good guy? Why did Finn have to step in? Now she's stuck with Rachel, who jumps and lets out little squeaks whenever she thinks she sees or hears _anything_. As if Tina isn't already on edge walking through the dark and mist and hearing her friends' screams cutting through the eerie quiet.

And even worse than that, Rachel is actually physically hurting her with the force of the grip that she's got on Tina's arm. Nails and pinching and tugging and Tina is going to slap her soon.

As they round a bend, Tina can see a bit of a clearing up ahead, with two new paths going left and right. And just in case anyone is too stupid to know their left from their right, there are two creepily painted signs in the shape of hands, pointing out the directions. The one that bears the word _left_ looks like dripping blood.

Rachel half turns to look at her and opens her mouth to ask a question, just as the clearing lights up, the green flashing lights making Tina cover her eyes against their sudden onslaught after so long in the dark. A noise like a carnival game begins ringing out, hollow, trapped between the high walls of corn.

“Ooh,” Rachel says, and when Tina's eyes finally adjust to the newfound brightness, she can see that Rachel looks excited by the sound and the lights, and she quickly begins to pull Tina forward, despite her protests.

“That can't be anything good, Rachel,” she warns. Rachel ignores her. Surprise surprise.

“Maybe we're going to get a little clue or something,” Rachel says. “We can so win this thing. Listen, those buzzers are like the ones that mean you won a big teddy bear at the carnival!”

“Rachel—”

The moment they reach the clearing, a man jumps out from the corn and the lights die, sending them back into complete and utter blackness. Tina clutches Rachel as Rachel's nails bite into the skin of her hand and she takes one long breath, catching the scent of gasoline on the inhale. She lets out a imperceptible whimper before the revving begins, the chainsaw's motor rumbling to life, echoing all around and deep in her bones. 

They both scream. Rachel tries going left as Tina pulls her right and they fling back towards each other like they're attached by an elastic band. “Right, right, right!” Tina screams, barely able to hear her own words above the thunderous racket of the chainsaw. They run to the right and she uses her hand to feel the corn, feel for the opening. All she can see are bright green spots flashing in her eyes and she spares one silent thought to wish them away as soon as possible.

Still screaming, she and Rachel hit something warm and solid and fall to the ground.

“Whoa!” says a familiar voice. Mercedes. Thank god.

 

*O_O*

Santana rolls her eyes. Berry is still shrieking somewhere in the distance. It’s not like the crazies who run the place are actually going to cut her up with that chainsaw. What was she even thinking coming here with these cry babies? 

This place is so boring. She’s been wandering around in the dark with Britt for ages now and she’s starting to get cold. They should just find a nice soft place to make out or something. There’s nothing better to do. Though then she would forfeit a free meal at the Stix; all she can eat bought and paid for by the nerd squad. And she kinda wants to get out fast so she can rub it in how much awesomer she is than them, since she’s not really welcome in their precious little glee family at the moment. If only that douchebag, Mr. Schue was the one paying for the winner’s meal. Then she’d be up and running out of the damn maze. 

Brittany starts humming, a bounce in her step as they take a left, passing a lot of cobwebs and a severed head. It’s so obviously fake. It wouldn’t have even scared her ten year-old self. Pathetic. 

Britt seems fascinated with it and wanders over. The loss of her body heat makes Santana all the colder and she huddles in on herself, shivering. Just as she opens her mouth to coax Brittany on, she feels a hand snake around her wrist. She stands straight and curses, jerking free of the touch. But it comes in again, slimy fingers wrapping themselves around her upper arm this time. She smacks it away, cursing again and it disappears back into the corn. But she’s not letting the creeper get away with grabbing her. No freaking way. She pushes into the corn with an unholy growl and chases after the owner of the slimy hand. 

The bastard is quick. When she manages to squeeze and fight through the maze wall, scratched and pulled and eating cornstalks, she winds up in another pathway. There isn’t a soul around. 

“Don’t you dare grab me again, or I will come down on you like hand of God!” she yells into the silence, then grumbles to herself, turning back to the wall of corn. She picks some dried bits of plant out of her hair and spits something nasty out of her mouth before diving back in to make her way back to Brittany. 

When she pushes through and stumbles back out into the open again, Brittany isn’t there. She calls her names once, twice more, but she gets no reply. Maybe she came out in the wrong place? What had Britt been doing before Santana got distracted by the creep? Checking out that fake severed head…

She searches the ground for it but she can’t see it anywhere. “Brittany!” she yells again, taking several steps further down the path, looking for Britt, looking for the fake head and the cobwebs. “Britt!”

A spotlight bursts in front of her eyes, blinding her as it lights up the sky. 

 

*O_O*

 

The light is positively blinding. Mike stumbles forward, knocking into Artie’s chair and nearly sending him straight into the wall of the maze. 

“Do you think somebody just won?” Finn asks, sounding bummed. 

“Nah, man,” Artie says. “It’s too soon. This thing is huge.” 

“Maybe that’s the light they shine when they come to rescue the people who’ve given up,” Mike suggests. 

“Chickened out, you mean,” Finn says with a chuckle. “Who do you think—?”

But Finn doesn’t finish his question. The ground is hissing. Hissing and slithering. 

“Oh God, not snakes,” Artie moans. “Anything but snakes. Indiana Jones and I might have very little in common, but we do share that particular phobia. I hate snakes.” 

Mike can’t argue with that sentiment. He’d had a really difficult time dancing with Brittany when she brought in that python during Britney week last year. He still has no idea where she managed to get it. 

The hissing gets louder and there is a loud boom as the spotlight extinguishes. 

“Um, guys,”Artie says. “We should get out of here. I can’t see a thing and the snakes—”

Mike feels something bump into and go over his foot, he’s sure of it. He jumps and shudders, grabbing hold of Artie’s chair. He’s nodding his head, even though no one can see him. “Let’s go—”

“Ahhh! They’re touching me!” 

“Don’t let them crawl up my wheels; don’t let them crawl up my wheels…”

“Oh my God, I hate snakes!”

Mike feels Finn’s hands try to take the handles of Artie’s chair, letting go when he realizes Mike already has it. They don’t do a count of three or even say now, but they take off at the same time, rushing in the direction of the bend they could see up ahead when the light was on. 

 

*O_O*

 

He recognizes all of his bros voices on the other side of the corn, though they’re probably hoping nobody hears them since they’re acting like a bunch of pussies. Crying about snakes? Man, Puck would build a bonfire and cook up those snakes for a midnight snack if he were there. (And if he had a gallon of milk to wash them down with. So what if he likes milk? It’s good for your bones and tastes delicious and anyone who mocks him for it can screw off.) But he hasn’t seen no snakes. He hasn’t seen shit but old dried up mummies and blood splattered all over the corn and his new best buddy, Skeletor, who he punches on one bony shoulder as he passes him by. 

He sees some dude dressed like Michael Myers from _Halloween_ peeking out at him, big knife raised and covered in ketchup or some shit. He ain’t scared of no ketchup-covered knife. That’s baby stuff. He warns Michael Myers to stay where he is and walks on by. The Puckster can’t be held accountable for his actions if some bro’s gonna jump out of the shadows at him. He might land a kick to the guy’s groin or a punch to his face just purely outta instinct. He can’t help it; he’s a badass by nature. It’s like his damn birthright or something. 

Usually right before something bad happens, Puck gets this weird sort of sixth sense, like a tickling on the back of his neck. The first time he can remember it happening was in third grade right before he fell out of a tree and broke his collarbone on huge freaking rock. He feels it now. 

Somebody laughs, low and goofy and familiar, but it’s not one of Puck’s bros or any of the other glee club nerds. (Who are his friends, too, sure. But he doesn’t have to like it or admit that shit out loud.) He feels cautious, but he carries on, keeps putting one foot in front of the other anyway. He’s a badass. He will not be scared off by some psychic neck tickle. 

He gets to a fork and his instincts tell him to go left. The neck tickle warns him away from the right. _Bad shit that way_ , it says. But Puck came to this hole to get scared, and he ain’t even trembled a bit since he got here. So he ignores the neck tickle and takes the path to the right. If scary shit is right then that must be the way out, and he wants to win this thing. 

He’s three steps in when he sees it, grinning at him with teeth that are dripping blood and huge, soulless eyes, painted with the makeup of pure evil. He takes a gulp of air and yells, throwing his hands in the air and turning tail. He thinks he can hear Michael Myers guy laughing at him from his hiding place in the corn, but he can’t even be bothered to go give him a punch for it. All he can do is run. Run away from the clown. 

He takes the lefthand path that he should have taken when his neck tickle told him to, and nearly runs into Santana, who is standing in the centre with her hands on her hips, her lips twisted up in mockery. 

“Are you serious right now?” she asks. “That clown was the entertainment at my sixth birthday party and I pushed him into the pool. Who knew that the great Noah Puckerman was the biggest scaredy cat in all of Ohio? At first I wasn’t sure if that was you or your twelve year old sister.” 

 

*O_O*

It seems that Kurt, when put in a public situation including darkness and a state of perpetual fear, gets a little bit turned on. Or a lot turned on. Blaine can’t tell for sure, because although Kurt had his hand glued to Blaine’s ass earlier, he’s kept his hips angled away while they make out against the cornstalks. Blaine wonders if the thought of being caught by one their friends or even a stranger is doing it for Kurt, or if perhaps it’s the fear thing. He did pull Blaine into the backseat of his car and suck that amazing hickey into his neck after they went to see _Paranormal Activity 3_ a few days before. Blaine reaches up to press his fingers into the hickey and moans into Kurt’s open mouth. Such a good hickey, still the slightest bit of sting when he pushes on it. 

He moves in closer to Kurt’s body, sliding a hand down to pull Kurt in as he sucks on his top lip, just waiting for Kurt to tilt his head and take over the kiss like he always does. Like clockwork, Kurt cups one hand around Blaine’s cheek, turning Blaine’s head and letting out the tiniest, quietest little hum of pleasure before he slides his tongue between Blaine’s lips. 

But then he jumps away with a squeak, pointing into the wall of cornstalks. Blaine wipes off the string of saliva that’s hanging from his lips and swallows a whine of displeasure before attempting to speak. It comes out like, “Wha?” anyway and he shakes his head to clear away the fuzziness. It doesn’t work, of course, because he’s still in a fog of lust, at least fifty percent of his blood making his cock throb between his legs. 

“Someone’s gonna grab me again!” Kurt says, still pointing at the corn as he takes another two steps away from it. “I felt it— someone poked me in the leg!” 

Blaine feels heat flood his face, more of his blood pooling in completely unhelpful places. “Um… that was, uh— That was me.” 

“No it wasn’t; your hands were on my— _Oh_.” Kurt’s eyes widen when understanding hits him and Blaine fidgets with his jacket sleeves in anticipation of his reaction. But he’s staying quiet. So quiet. Blaine can hear crickets off in the distance. He sniffs, wiggling his cold nose before letting his gaze travel back to Kurt’s face. Kurt is still watching him but Blaine can’t quite place his expression. He knows he’s seen it before, but he isn’t sure what it means exactly. 

“I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Kurt. I didn’t mean to—”

“You didn’t,” Kurt answers, eyes still watching Blaine intently. 

“Well, obviously I did or you wouldn’t—”

He doesn’t get to finish. Kurt takes two long strides towards him and his mouth lands on Blaine’s, cutting off his words. 

Kurt pushes him to the cold, damp ground, lying half on top of him, mouth moving furiously over Blaine’s, sucking and licking and pressing. He hooks his fingers in Blaine’s hair, breaking apart the carefully gelled pieces, and Blaine has one moment of madness, thinking to himself that he’s glad the bat isn’t around to get caught in the mess Kurt is making of it. 

Kurt’s wonderfully sucking mouth moves down to Blaine’s neck and Blaine lets his head fall back onto the ground, letting out a gasp. His eyes flutter open and then closed as Kurt suckles at his Adam’s apple, leaving a hot, wet trail as he continues down, pushing Blaine’s scarf and jacket hastily to the side. 

Sometimes it takes a moment for things to compute when one’s head is otherwise occupied, a moment for the senses to report back to the brain. He lets his eyes flutter open again; he saw something. Something yellow and white. He sees it again. Someone sitting and watching them, an upside down image of a someone. He blinks a few times to clear his eyes. It’s Brittany. 

He puts his hands on Kurt’s shoulders to still him and Kurt sits up, looking over at Brittany. 

“Don’t stop because of me,” she says. “It was just getting hot.” 

Kurt scrambles to get up and Blaine lets his head clunk against the earth. After a second he sits up and turns to look at her “You were going to just sit there and watch us make out?” She shrugs her shoulders and pops something in her mouth, crunching it loudly. “Is that popcorn? You were watching us make out while eating popcorn?” 

“Ooh, where’d you get popcorn?” Kurt asks. 

“That’s not the—” Blaine begins, but Brittany cuts across him. 

“Some lady with a creepy doll baby gave it to me. She said it was cursed. Cursed popcorn from Hell. Hell makes pretty good popcorn, which makes sense I guess, since it’s so hot. Jiffy Pop would be exploding all over the place.”

Blaine stares at her, open-mouthed, as Kurt comes in closer. “Where’s Santana?” he asks. 

“She chased someone through the corn. Didn’t you hear her battle call? I think she caught them because I heard a stranger crying, but she didn’t come back.” 

“Maybe she got evicted from the maze for attacking one of the actors,” Blaine suggests. The man had told them that under no circumstances were they to physically harm the staff if they frightened them. They had come to be frightened, after all. The people were only doing their jobs. 

“Or arrested for murder,” Kurt mutters. “I did see flashing lights earlier.”

“They were green, not red and blue,” Blaine says. 

Kurt shrugs and reaches down to help Blaine up from the ground, brushing off Blaine’s back, his hands pausing when they brush over Blaine’s ass. Blaine leans into the touch and Kurt looks bashfully down at his own feet. 

Blaine turns to help Brittany up, but she’s no longer there. He glances around—left, right, behind him. She’s gone. “Brittany! Brittany!” He turns to Kurt. “Where did she go?” 

“Who knows. That girl lives on her own planet.” 

“Aren’t you worried about her?” 

Kurt shrugs. “I wonder where the creepy lady with the popcorn is. I’m hungry.” 

Blaine turns away, seeing white spots of dropped popcorn on the ground where Brittany had been sitting. “Brittany!” he calls again.

 

*O_O*

 

“Brittany! Britt! I can’t believe I lost her. I’m a terrible girlfriend.” 

“Yeah you are,” Puck says, stomping on a fallen ear of corn until it’s mush under his boot. 

“Shut up, Puckerman. Be useful for once and help me find Britt.” 

“I’m more interested in finding a way outta this joint,” he replies, lifting his foot to land a kick to the decimated corn and sending it back into the the stalks where it came from. 

Santana stops dead and rounds on him, backing him against the corn. “Look, she doesn’t have a flag, okay? I was carrying ours and so if she wants helping getting out she has no way of calling anyone. So you’re going to help me find her, or so help me God, I will take out a full page ad in all the Lima papers and tell the entire town how you wet your pants and cried like a newborn looking for its baba when you caught sight of that clown.” 

Puck raises his hands in surrender. “Geez, calm down, crazypants. All you had to do was tell me she’s got no flag and I’da helped you find her. No need for blackmail.” 

Santana steps back to let him move and watches as he shakes himself out and rolls his shoulders. It’s like he’s preparing to do battle. Just like he does before heading out on the football field. 

She lets him lead the way, following behind as he takes a right, then a left. The path cuts sharply and ends and Puck almost walks into something large and yellow. It looks like it crashed into the cornfield and they built the maze around it. The side door is wide open, a heap of bloody clothes and fake body parts spilling out down the steps. 

“Great, it’s the damn short bus,” Santana grumbles. “That’s the scariest shit I’ve seen yet tonight.” 

Puck glances over his shoulder and shrugs at her. “Looks like the only way we can go forward is by going through this bus.”

Santana rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over her chest. “You don’t say.” She pushes past him when he hesitates at the stairs of the school bus, knocking the props off onto the ground so she can climb up. “I’ll warn you if there are any scary circus performers on board.” 

What is on board is a whole lot of splattered blood. The emergency lights are flickering creepily as Santana walks down the aisle, ignoring the appendages she sees hanging out from beneath the seats. She kicks more than a few away with her boots. She can hear very quiet laughter from somewhere near the back of the bus, which is lopped off at the end, lying open to the outside world. A light breeze blows in through the huge gaping hole and flutters the ends of Santana’s hair. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. The air has felt so close, so stagnant inside the maze. She hears another titter of laughter and nearly jumps out of her skin when a hand comes down to rest on her shoulder. 

“Just me, Lopez. Chill,” Puck says from behind her. “Are we gonna get the hell outta here or what?” 

She nods without looking back at him. 

As Puck helps her onto the ladder that extends from the hole in the back of the bus, she hears it again. The quiet laughter. It sounds as though it’s coming from underneath the bus, near where her feet are carefully taking rung after rung on the rickety ladder. She holds in a shudder at the sound and climbs the last few rungs, then walks quickly away, not bothering to check to be sure Puck wasn’t accosted by the chuckling monster under the bus. 

 

*O_O*

 

Okay, sure, so Rachel has a thing for bright, flashy lights. It’s not like everyone wasn’t aware of this. And when there is an old lady who sounds like her dead grandmother speaking to her about her future amidst these lights, well, Rachel was never going to actually avoid that, was she? 

“Come, come!” says the fortune teller lady in the box. “Come and I will tell you your future! Love, career, health… I will tell all the secrets of the future!” 

“Rachel, that’s witchcraft,” Mercedes says, shaking her head, but Rachel rolls her eyes. 

Tina side-eyes Mercedes and tilts her head to one side, staring at the box. Rachel can tell she’s interested. “It’s not even a real person,” Tina says. “It’s an animatronic. What harm can it do?” 

“Seriously?” Quinn asks. “Are we even in the same place?” 

Rachel takes their moment of distraction and rushes forward, pulling Tina along with her. The machine takes quarters, so she digs into her shoulder bag and searches for her coin purse, pulling it out triumphantly just as a wary looking Mercedes and haughty Quinn reach the fortune teller machine. 

“This is fun, right?” Rachel says, grinning brightly and nodding at them. “I’m just going to…” She inserts the coin in the slot and the machine starts up. 

The fortune teller’s eyes blink open with a weird, creaky robot sound and she tilts her head from side to side. Rachel knows that she isn’t real, but she could still swear that those eyes are staring directly into hers. 

The fortune teller opens her mouth to speak, but instead of words, tiny little black spots begin to pour out. Dozens and dozens of them. 

Mercedes screams and grabs hold of Rachel, whimpering, "I want Sam. No, Shane. _Shane_ ," while Tina dives for the nearest turn in the path, repeating over and over, “I only like spiders on accessories; I only like spiders on accessories.”

But they can’t be spiders, that doesn’t make any sense. 

“Rachel, let’s go,” Mercedes yells, tugging her away as Quinn catches up with Tina, who Rachel can hear crying up ahead. 

 

*O_O*

 

“Tina! Tina!” Mike calls. “I can hear her crying, you guys. I know it’s her. We need to find her.” 

Finn pats Mike on the shoulder, nodding his head. He can’t hear Rachel, but he knows she and Tina are together, so whatever is scaring Tina is probably scaring Rachel, too. They do need to find their girlfriends. The sound seemed to be coming from the right, so he turns that way, pushing Artie’s chair. He’s stops short and lets out a quick yell, jumping in place when someone tall and pale materializes out of thin air. 

“Brittany, geez! You scared me.”

“There’s a lot of that going around,” she says. She’s wearing some sort of long cloak like the elves in that movie with the little dudes with the feet and the ring and those scary, faceless, screeching things on the horses. He wonders where she got it. She wasn’t wearing it when they got there that’s for sure. 

“This place is awesome,” she says. “I wanna work here next year.” 

“No offence, Britt, but we need to get going so we can find Tina before she gets too far away. I just heard her—”

“Oh, I know where she is,” Brittany says. “I can take you.” 

Some dude with a long black cloak comes out of the corn behind Brittany, shaking his head. He points a big sword thing at them and… shit, it’s the Ghost of Christmas Past. 

He must have said it out loud, because Mike smacks his arm, shaking his head. “That’s the Grim Reaper, dude,” he says. 

“Let’s go the other way,” Artie says, taking hold of his wheels and turning himself around. 

“That’s only Bob,” Brittany says. “He’s cool.” 

Finn turns to Mike and Artie, deciding what to do. 

“Guys, they’re gone,” Artie informs them a second later. 

When Finn turns back around, he sees that Artie is right. There’s no trace of either of them. But there is something else. 

“Do you guys hear that?”

 

*O_O*

 

The fog lies in patches on the ground, all around the small, broken-down looking shack at the centre of the clearing. Beyond it there lies a fork in the maze, but there is no way to reach it without passing in close proximity to the building. Inside of the building, someone is chanting. 

As they get closer it only gets louder, like some kind of human sacrifice ritual and Mercedes wants no part of that. Rachel is still clinging to her side and she finds that she doesn’t mind in the least. In the face of terror you start to worry a whole lot less about petty everyday things like solos and teacher’s pets. 

As they tiptoe forward, she can make out sounds coming from behind: panting and squeaks and low rumbles of speech. 

“Somebody’s sneaking up on us,” Mercedes leans in to whisper to Rachel, and Rachel’s face hardens and she stops dead, turning to look at Mercedes with her chin raised. 

“Well then,” she says, then flings herself around and shouts, “Ah-ha!” and then, “Finn?”

Finn, Artie and Mike all let out breaths of relief and Tina breaks away from Quinn to fling herself into Mike’s arms. “There were spiders, Mike. I hate spiders,” she whimpers against him. 

The chanting gets louder and Mercedes clings onto Rachel’s arm all the harder. She doesn’t like that sound. At all. 

“Do you guys want to get out of here?” Artie asks. “I think I’ve had enough.”

Everyone nods in agreement and Mercedes mouths, “Thank you” at Artie, who smiles and gives her a wink. 

“All right, guys.” Finn pulls the white flag from his back pocket and gets it high in the air, waving it around and around. 

 

*O_O*

 

The creepy-ass scarecrow is pointing them on, but screw that. It’s not as if this place actually helps you out. It’s probably leading them to certain doom or some shit. Puck tells Santana as much and she nods her agreement. They take a right. 

 

*O_O*

 

The scarecrow is pointing them left, so they go that way, Kurt shuddering at its pointy teeth and dripping eyes. Honestly, he’s finished with the whole thing and all he’s wanted to do since they arrived is get somewhere warm so he can shed a few layers and get his hands and mouth all over Blaine. It’s not like Kurt can help it; his boyfriend looks unfairly cute in his peacoat and there is only so much of broad shoulders and trim waist that he can take in one night. 

He hears someone whimpering piteously from behind the cornstalks and shivers, leaning in closer to Blaine and sliding an arm around his waist. His hand makes contact with Blaine’s ass again and, God, it’s like he’s got a damn magnet in his pocket that’s been attracting Kurt’s wandering hands all night. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, um…” How the hell is he supposed to say he’s sorry for groping his boyfriend below the belt when they decided that was something they wouldn’t do without discussing it first? “That was below the, er, equator just now. Sorry.” 

He begins to pull his arm away, but Blaine catches it and slips it back around his waist. “No,” he says quietly. “It’s… I mean, when we discussed it before I meant below the equator in the front, not, um, you know, in the back. So you can. I mean, if you want to. Please. Please do.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, smiling shyly down at Blaine. “I can, um—” But he doesn’t finish his thought, because the whimpering has grown louder and the voice is whispering, “ _No please, no._ ” 

Screw this place. If something is going to eat him, he’s going down happy. He grabs Blaine and pulls his body to him, hands directly on his ass, and presses their mouths together, swallowing Blaine’s giggles and walking him backwards through what seems to be a giant cobweb. 

 

*O_O*

 

Brittany is bored. She found her way out of the maze ages ago, and had even wandered back in a few times for something to do. All you need to do is make a pattern—left, right, right, right, left—and you get right out. 

The lady with the creepy doll baby had given her a caramel apple this time and she’s sitting on a log eating it when she sees her favourite unicorn stumble out, his hands all over Blaine Warbler’s round little ass. 

Santana says his pants are so tight to keep it sucked in and when he’s naked that thing is probably big and bouncy like a couple of beach balls. She thinks maybe Kurt is helping him keep his ass in his pants, holding onto it like he is. They’re sucking on each other’s faces again as they walk backwards into the open space. Brittany’s not even sure they’ve realized they made it out of the maze yet. 

Santana’s right, they should just have sex already. The sexual desperation wafting of them does smell like cotton candy and glitter factories. What a delicious combination. Maybe Brittany can invite them on _Fondue for Two_ and get them to make out. It can be her first ever episode with Smell-O-Vision so the audience can enjoy the yummy aroma. Their cotton candy lust mixed with glitter and Blane Warbler’s raspberry hair gel, and she’ll have the most viewers ever. Maybe Lord Tubbington can make some cotton candy fondu for the occasion. 

Blaine Warbler lets out a loud moan and pushes his beach ball butt back into Kurt’s hands just as Santana finally makes it out of the maze. 

“You two humping each other is scarier than any of the garbage I’ve seen tonight. Congratulations, gaybies.” Kurt un-suctions his mouth from Blaine Warbler’s neck and looks up at Santana with his eyes all dreamy and Brittany laughs. 

“Britts?” Santana says, moving away from Puck and rushing over to Brittany’s log. “I was so worried! You made it out first?”

“I won, like, five times. You guys all suck. I’m awesome.” She feels kind of bad for telling Santana she sucks, even if she does, so she offers her a bite of her caramel apple just as the others all come around the side of the maze, led by Bob and the lady with the creepy doll baby. 

“You all wussed out? Pathetic,” Puck says. 

“Who are you calling pathetic when you practically crapped your pants in the face of Jingles the Clown back there?” Santana says with a grin. 

“Guys, where are Kurt and Blaine?” Rachel asks. 

Brittany finishes off the last bite of her caramel apple and sets the stick down next to her on the log. “In the wake of tonight’s terrors they’ve come to grips with their own mortality and are probably somewhere humping like rabbits again. Or letting Blaine Warbler’s huge butt out of the confines of those tight red pants. Can’t you smell the cotton candy? They’re going to make delicious babies.”

“You don’t think they’re doing it in, like, the car, do you? Because we have to ride back to Lima with them in there,” Finn says. 

Santana turns to him with a smirk. “Good luck picking all the glitter out of your every crevice if you have to sit in that car after they’re done.” 

“How much glitter do you think will rain down from the sky when the stork brings their baby?” Brittany asks, but nobody answers her. 

“Oh my God, we’re right here, you idiots,” Kurt says, holding his own caramel apple. Oh, Blaine Warbler has cotton candy. That’s where the smell was coming from. “We just went to get snacks. See if we share it with any of you.” He sniffs and grabs Blaine Warbler’s hand and leads him away. Probably to make out again. Brittany saw them. She knows what they’ve been up to. 

 

*O_O*

 

“Kurt, is my butt really big?” Blaine asks in a whisper as they walk towards Kurt’s car. 

“No,” Kurt says, running his tongue over the side of his candy apple. Blaine gulps. “Your butt is perfect.” 

“Oh,” Blaine says. “Thank you.” 

“You’re welcome.”


End file.
